Fun with math

So, they make these things called "Tapcon" concrete anchors. They're basically just big blue screws, coated with something or other. We're using them to anchor the pressure-treated footers to the concrete floor. I'm sure there's some kind of neat background story about why they're blue or why they're called tapcons, but I'm not really all that keen to find the answer to either of those questions.

But here's the thing:

When you drill the pilot hole for a tapcon, you have to go a quarter of an inch deeper than you expect the tapcon to go. For instance, if you expect the tapcon to go an inch into the concrete, the pilot hole needs to be an inch-and-a-quarter deep. Pretty simple, right?

Ah, but YOU didn't fail Algebra 11! Twice!

(To be perfectly honest, neither did I. I failed it once. But I still maintain that it wasn't entirely my fault. When the quote beside your Algebra 11 teacher's photo in the yearbook reads "I hate Grade Nines", you probably have a case for that particular teacher being not the most empathic or understanding of individuals...)

Anyway, here's a little sample of my stream-of-consciousness when attempting to figure out how deep the hole needed to be to accommodate a 4" tapcon and a standard pressure-treated 2x4:

Okay, so, 4-inch tapcons, but need to leave an extra quarter-inch, so it'll be 4-and-a-quarter, less the thickness of a 2x4. But how thick is a 2x4? It's supposed to be 2 inches, but they don't make them two inches now, I think I remember them being something weird like 1 and 7/8 or something. I should measure it where'd I put that damn tape measure.... screw it, I'll use this yardstick. Oh wait, it's on the dryer. Okay, so a 2x4 is actually 1 1/2 inches wide - wow, that's not even close to 2x4. Why the hell do they call them 2x4's? Should they be, like, 1.5 by ... let's see... 3 and a half... so yeah, they should be called one-and-a-half-by-three-and-a-halfs... doesn't really roll off the tongue, though, does it? All right, so where were we? Right, 4" tapcon needs a four-and-a-quarter inch hole, minus an inch-and-a-half is... uh... damn it. Three... no, wait, 2 and... a ... a half... plus a quarter. 2 and three-quarters? That can't be right. I need some paper...

Okay, now I draw two lines four inches apart... no, wait, four and a quarter inches apart. And now I hold up this two by four to the line... huh. Would you look at that? There's cat fur ALL OVER this thing.

Anyway, yes, the correct answer to the problem was indeed 2 and three-quarter inches, and you'll be happy to know that the tapcons worked like a charm.

Of course, the fun started all over again when I looked at the box and realized we'd purchased three-and-a-quarter inch tapcons, not the four-inch ones...



Oh, and just for shits-and-giggles, I should also note that I destroyed two masonry bits. Because I'm good with tools.